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But it isn't enough. It's so ... ordinary. I lovemuch more the way I feel when I'm a woman. It's ... it feels likea delicious violation of something and yet also a rare privilege! It feels so wonderful! As if I'd become one with myself." She established quickly that no, I wasn't gay, I felt nothing forother men, I wanted no part of any, not to live with nor tocherish, have, or hold, not at all. No way. I desired women, andabove all others I desired her, Emily. Because women have what Imost love and know I lack -- softness, grace, poise, beauty,delicacy, kindness, gentleness. I loved all those things in women,and especially in her."Those things -- assuming I had all those things in me -- wouldn'tthey be enough? Why would you need to feel them in you too?" Because I love them. I want to feel they're mine, that I possessthem and they possess me." It was as good an answer as any.She gave that careful thought. "I see," was all she said. "Theway being a woman possesses me,. " I almost choked at that point - I was almostgoing to say that I wasn't "wearing it", it was hanging between my legs- but that probably wouldn't have been taken too well.Things continued to "improve" during my sophomore year - if you get whatI mean. By the end of the school year I was now a good 4" long. Joe gaveup on the "Danny weenie, little peenie" bit. And I'm not getting anystares from the other guys any more. I wouldn't say that I'm quite upinto Joe's category yet but at least I'm now as big as some of the otherguys - and in fact, bigger than a few of them.Now that he's stopped kidding me about the size of my "equipment", I'vefound that Joe's not a bad guy after all. We've been hanging aroundtogether more and more lately and he's been over at my house a couple oftimes - just watching TV or listening to music. He's got a real "kickass" video game system with a 50" flat panel TV over at his house andI'll end up over there playing video games once or twice a week.Seems like Kenny.
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